Thoughts

About ten minutes after I wrote my last post, I found out that one of my former classmates passed away in an accident.

Since then, his death has consumed my thoughts.

It's weird. I haven't talked to him in over ten years. But at one point I was friends with him and his then girlfriend (who eventually became his wife).

I think about his wife. He left the house and she assumed he would come back unharmed. They were together for a long time. I am sure that they were planning their future and imagining life with the other person there. A constant presence.

I often fear the worst. If Steve doesn't come home when he says he will then I get a sick feeling in my stomach. If I leave him or the girls for any extended period of time then I worry that something bad will happen to them. I am haunted by the idea that Steve or the girls will leave my life.

I am not sure what this post does. It certainly doesn't bring him back, nor does it bring any peace to those that need it. I didn't know him in his adult life, but in adolescence, he was a good and kind person. I have happy memories of my interactions with him.

This day has reminded me that I need to live in the moment. It reminds me that I need to verbalize the love that I have for those around me. It makes me aware that nothing is forever and that the future is not guaranteed.

It makes me say, "I love you" more. It makes me pause. It makes me hug for one second longer. It makes me give affection without limits.

So, to Steve, Lucy, and Caroline: I love you more than I could ever express. You make my life worth living, and your love has made me a better person.